Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
