did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My penis needs a shock collar
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
