I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
