My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Found your dick twin last night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
