Christians are straight up FREAKS
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
