my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
