According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He literally asked permission to hit on me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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