He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
