you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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