Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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