i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
