saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Michael Bay diarrhea
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
