One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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