Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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