There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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