I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
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I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize