Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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