even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
