mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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