so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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