Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I cockslap morals
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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