Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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