Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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