How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
