Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
