would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
