I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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