Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
