Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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