Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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