i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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