If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
