I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
smell my finger.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
this will be a night to untag.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
