So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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