If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
