Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
