stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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