I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
