Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
