if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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