you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
