Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
