It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
