you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
