i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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