omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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