Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
