coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
