It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
