my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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