You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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