I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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