I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
