Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
