I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I deserve this hangover.
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