The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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