i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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