Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
